PROFILE

siti.khadijah.md.bashir

Being Me is the greatest challenge
to keep on moving when everything messed up
to keep on going when my vision turns upside down
to keep calm when my anger explodes
to keep smiling when all I have is sadness
to enjoy the real happiness that came only for a while

but only this way
these lessons had taught Me how to live
these challenges that made me stronger inside out
these stories that gave me strength to my weaknesses for each fate that you wrote for my Life
is nothing better but THE BEST!

“When you leave, remember to look back to see those you’re leaving behind. You never know, but they might be feeling miserable."


YOUR SAY




SO YESTERDAY

September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
July 2010
August 2010
September 2010
October 2010
November 2010
December 2010

[my old blog]




I'LL BE WATCHING YOU

'AlimaKU
AimanKU
AszafiraKU
AtiqaKU
AmiraKU
AsiahKU
FadilaKU
FyraKU
FarahinKU
FazilaKU
HadiKU MusuhKU
HairulKU
HikmaKU
JuwairiyahKU
MarizzaKU
Kak ainKU
Kak hannahKU
Lembah IlmuKU
NabilaKU
NurulhudaKU
NisyaKU
SriKU
UttKU
ZulianaKU



CREDITS

skin by: Jane
edits by: nurfa

Powered by Blogger



Tuesday, March 31, 2009 @ 11:38 PM
bagos ugh eh!

'Ustazah, ustazah. why are your hands so cold?'
'Yeah, I'm a vampire.'
students run away.


astagfirullah. aku pon satu jwb mcm tu! jwblh sbb aircon ke sbb nk demam ke. kn dh bterabur satu class pekik terlolong plus tutup muke step2 ketakutan. karang aku gigit leher baru diam! vampire katekn.



@ 1:10 AM
I wish to say no more

It's all in my head.
I think about it over and over again.
It's all in my head.
I replay it over and over again.



I wish to run and run.
not wanting to turn back.



Sunday, March 29, 2009 @ 10:38 PM
pada zahir tidak terlihat.

"awak dh ada awak lain ke?"
"hahaha. takde, awk pula?"
"pon tkde. kte cume ada satu awak je." senyum dalam sedu.



sepi itu adakalanya meracun imannya.



Saturday, March 28, 2009 @ 2:02 PM
random pictures

nana syg.

sgpore flyer syg plus melly syg.


wajah seorang kekasih. =p

Jafni bwk ape tu?
bwk lappy boy djah. =p


apee tu mukenyee hussaini?? gigitable sae muke!
jgn step2 bengis eh md hussaini. =p


*gmbr2 ni dh bzaman lamanye. tp angin upload gmbr dh dtg*



Thursday, March 26, 2009 @ 11:59 PM
It feels like magic! =)






Every time I’ve lost confidence and couldn’t stand on my own two feet.
They’ve been there, every time.

I’m one happy girl tonight.

The problem’s still there, the stress hasn’t just disappeared into thin air. But I feel a lot lighter, a lot happier, a lot more carefree. It’s been a good day. =)) alhamdulillah.





@ 11:28 PM
angin bercerita dah datang.

fikir buku ramlee awang murshid boleh bwat saya segar. boleh hilangkan ngantok saya yang kes kepala berdenyut2 mntk berhenti berfikir. malah makin tmbh ngantok. gula2 impact dr manis jd kelat sbb dh byk nah kunyah. enth ape jd dengan saya ngantok nah smpi tidur dlm office, siap pasang alarm clock tone hips dont lie. bergema satu office eh. harap maklum eh.

untungggnye ustazah sebelah meja saya baik dan peramah belaka. bole ajak bersembang ala makcik2. tu kuih putri salad ustazah sebelah yang bagi. hilang ngantuk ni sekejap.

pulang dari irsyad sambung mengajar di punggol.


ajar drg rs mcm ajar askar. siap bertopi semua.

balik dr punggol je. saya lapar kes boleh makan manusia. dari pagi saya cume makan hotdog je. saya tekad sampai je rumah saya nak makan sampai saya jatuh dari kerusi. puas hati!! pastuu saya nak tidur sampai saya jatuh katil. puas hati juga!! and esk rutin saya mcm tulh lg. =((



@ 12:55 AM
the wound reopening

And everytime I seem so strong, I fall apart inside.Every day I wake up, telling myself I’m strong and I’m okay. People say “mind over matters”, and that if you keep telling youself something, one day you’ll believe it and it’ll be part of you.

And I wonder, how long more can I keep up with this mask of happiness and laughter. Because I’m losing strength, and I feel like I can’t stand on my own two feet anymore.



I’m losing myself.



Wednesday, March 25, 2009 @ 2:19 AM
Im just mentally unstable at this moment

I have so many things to say that are unhappy and could bring me down to tears. Despite the fact that I have friends who care so much about me and my family who loves me, I'm still feeling very down. I guess my smile I portray is just a facade, a mask I put on every single day.

saya faham hakikat pantai mana tidak berombak, bumi mana tidak faham. sangat faham.

As I'm writing this, I'm crying. And I don't want to call you. I don't want you to feel that I'm overly dependent on you. I am such a trouble maker kn? I keep asking myself why am I so unhappy. Is there something in me that's still remains incomplete?

I'm just unhappy girl. And I suddenly lost my willingness to blog.



Tuesday, March 24, 2009 @ 2:42 AM
khas buatmu adilah anwar

Aku sekarang
Adalah bahagian dari masa laluku
Aku pernah pergi
Meninggalkan dirimu jauh
Melupakanmu
Tapi lihatlah
Diriku rapuh
Tanpa dirimu tiada erti
Hebatnya engkau
Tak sedetikpun
Pernah kau meninggalkan diriku,
Kusedari.

Kerana dirimu ku mampu berdiri tegar,
seberat apa pun beban di hadapan ku kini.
Kerana cintamu ku mampu berjalan tenang,
Sesulit bagaimanapun jalan yang ku lalui nanti.



Saturday, March 21, 2009 @ 4:15 PM
ukhuwah - thanks nurul huda.

If you're my favorite toys, i want to put you in a nice casing so nobody can see you but me.

If you're my expensive gold, i will order-made a super strong safe-box so you will reside there safely.

If you're my favorite books, i will make sure that i never fold you, tear you or leave you around so that you will always be as good as new.

and if you're all these things, i might forget you tomorrow, or the day after, or the day after after today.

That's why im thankful Allah has let us met through this wonderful ukhuwwah that we built and even set us apart so we know that missing each other is a blessing of true ukhuwwah and feel grateful for it because there's no feeling that's much sweeter than this.

I do miss you.



Tuesday, March 17, 2009 @ 5:45 PM
where will you be?

I can’t be your motivation, neither will I motivate you.
The only thing I can do, is to help you motivate yourself.
Because motivation, comes from within.



Sunday, March 15, 2009 @ 1:55 AM
betul cakap aiman!

To all lawmakers/deans/ministers of education/etc:

PLEASE SIMPLIFY COLLEGE APPLICATION PROCESS. HERE'S MY PROPOSED APPLICATION TEMPLATE:


Name:_________
Personal info:______________
Contact info:__________
Qualification:________________
Course interested in:____________

HOW SIMPLE!

NI TDK! BERJELA2 APPLICATION FORM NK KENA ISI. HATI DAN JIWA TERTEKAN BACA. KADANG2 NAIK TAK FAHAM APA DIA NAK!
susahnya nak masuk U.



@ 1:26 AM
every saturday



suke eh korg dpt makan pizza!

"zah zah. nxt time zah belanja pastamania lak eh?"
"zah. jangan berhenti lah k"
=(((



Friday, March 13, 2009 @ 10:10 PM
built a bear dan destroyed the heart.

"kak, lawa tak bear I?"
"eh lawanya. sapa bagi?"
"my mummy. lawa kn? bear ni ada cert and ada rumah dia sndr tao kak"
"eh! kakak pun ada satu! orang hadiahkan."
"really? your mom eh gave you?nama bear kakak apa?"
"no lh. my friend bagi. nama bear kakak my love"
"kakak sayang my love?"
"sayanglh! dia lawa."
"abeh kakak sayang orang yang bagi bear tu?"
"tak sayang tak benci"
"what do you mean kakak?"
"er k k. lets continue your homework k"


they are too young to understand this.
and I had rather not elaborate.
Sometimes not saying anything is the best way to go.



Tuesday, March 10, 2009 @ 11:47 PM
please make me feel like a small girl again.

Job is getting demanding but I am still loving my job. 3 months of teaching so far so good. tons of marking and datelines but I am enjoy doing what i am doing.



we will see whats next for me. what Allah's plan for me.


If i open my eyes wide enough,
I should be able to realise that
there are so many things
that i should be thankful of.
Alhamdulillah.




Saturday, March 7, 2009 @ 1:57 AM
moga hati tak berbelah bagi

“Assalamualaikum,” sana.
“Wa’alaikumussalam. Ada apa?” sini.“
"Terasa macam nak cakap dengan seseorang,” sana.
“Fasal apa?” sini.
“Sibuk ke? sana.
“tak berapa” sini.
“Ok,” sana.
“Allah ada,” sini.
“Tahu,” sana.
“Allahlah tempat mengadu,” sini.
“Tahu,” sana.
“Bangun. Malam ni. Jom sama2,” sini.
Senyap. Ada tangis di situ.
“Kan bagus kalau ade di sini,” sana.
“Tak bagus pun,” sini.
“Kenapa?” sana.
“Orang kata ukhuwah tu lebih manis bila jauh,” sini.
“Bila dekat asyik nak gaduh,” sana.
Tergelak dalam sebak.
“Rindu sebenarnya,” sini.
“Kenapa tak cakap?” sana.
“Saje. Nak didik sabar. Ada ujian yang jauh lebih besar tak lama lagi,” sini.
Sana senyap.
Sini senyap.
Dan titis itu tumpah juga. Berjuraian.


Terima kasih Ya allah atas segala-galanya.




Friday, March 6, 2009 @ 1:22 AM
بسم الله توكّلت على الله

I’ve always numbed myself, refusing my own feelings, rejecting my own thoughts and emotions. Simply so I can be strong, or at least appear strong. I refused to let myself feel upset, feel the loneliness, the helplessness, feel the loss.

But this time, I’m afraid.

I’m afraid I’ll break down,
In front of all of them.



Do you understand what it’s like?



Wednesday, March 4, 2009 @ 1:00 AM
menegakkan benang yang basah

Ia seakan lumrah manusia.
Semakin moden, semakin kuno.
Semakin tahu, semakin bodoh.
Semakin kuat, semakin liat.
Semakin tahu, semakin tipu.



Tuesday, March 3, 2009 @ 11:56 PM
putus sudah jantung dari jasad.

LAMA2 AKU BOLEH KENA PENYAKIT TONSIL SAE. MENJERIT SANA MENJERIT SINI. PEKIK SANA PEKIK SINI.


minggu ni byk kejutan sae.
1st mule2 dpt tahu alevel results jumaat ni.
2nd taknak jumpa this saturday pasal tergaduh dengan kawan kerja. serious tak sengaja nk campak buku dkat muke de. andai dapat ku putarkan masa.
3rd pagi2 dapat call dr ustazah Rohana minta relief dkat al-irsyad.

ha kau! aleh2 masuk skola orang mengajar lak. kejap lg dapat call dr MOE mntk set kan olevel paper. dh sudah! sekolah irsayd baru sangat lawa yer. indah benar ciptaan manusia. cume bau bilik pejabat dia je bwat saya loya. bau paint. aduhai. oklh rata2 nye budak2 ni kalau tak tinggikan suara, hentak meja, hentak whiteboard comfirm tak diam. pekik sekali pon drg tk diam. nk kena pekik sambil bercekak pinggang plus terbeliak mata (mcm hodoh) baru drg diam walau utk 6 saat. jadilh. atleast diam jugak.

lawa kan? mcm nk sewa satu class bwat bilik tidur sae.




@ 12:43 AM
I was just too blind to see. All it takes is F.A.I.T.H.

when all you want is His blessings.


faith. istiqamah.



Monday, March 2, 2009 @ 11:55 PM
jumaat hari seram.

WAHAHAHAHA. SEAB BWAT FITNAH SAE. ADEKE DE KATE RESULTS ALEVEL KELUAR JUMAAT NI? FITNAH KUBRA SAE NIE.


serious sae. menggigil lutut bak orang parkinson bile tawu results nk keluar. please ugh simpan je results tu bole? malas lh nk tgk. k diam. sebenarnye takut yang maha agong. mcm nk tercabut bibir sae. nak tidur tak bangun2 je boleh? jd bile bangun je aleh2 dh dkat University. indahkan? dh diam. ni tak logik tawu. ya allah, tenangkan hati, tawakalkan diri ini ya allah. khadijah sayang, u dh usahakan? u tawakal k. bkn u sorang kn amek paper. kawan2 u pun amek kn? so tenang k. k nw pejam mata den tdo k. bye khadijah.



Sunday, March 1, 2009 @ 10:49 PM
a bday wish for you - even if you think you are a stranger.

Today is actually a special day for someone,
Someone who had encouraged me along my pre-university till I started my A'levels,
someone who gave me his GP ten-year series book,
someone who was always by my side when I was down,
someone whom i complained to.
He was full of jealousy that sometimes it killed me, well I guess all Indian men can be easily jealous of people. (sweeping statement alert)

Ok the main point is, I just want to wish him HAPPY 20th BIRTHDAY. I wish the best for him in whatever he wants to do in the future.


Maybe all of you must be wondering why I'm using 'was' rather than 'is'. It is because at this moment we no longer contact each other.



@ 12:40 AM
over the rainbow

md hussaini!! takmo kasar2 dengan adik.

mcm gini lah abang. abang mesti sayang adik kan?


Their tiny hands in mine made me feel so blessed and loved. Because it feels like around them I’m safe and secure, away from anything negative or hurtful or harmful. They don’t know hurt, neither do they know negativity. But they know love. kn md hussaini and md husni?

Oh by the way I feel my mind’s a lot clearer now about uni stuff after talking to kak fauzani. I’m more or less decided, I think. There’s only few months more to make that decision. And after that, there’ll be no turning back. But the future seems less uncertain now. Cause I know what I want, I know my aim. And I definitely know that no matter where I am or what path I choose to take, there’ll always be people who care and support me.