pertemuan singkat tadi bagai satu sentakkan
saling berpandangan,
renungan mata kami bukan pandangan biasa
pandangan yang tersimpan seribu rahsia
pandangan yang mana antara kami tahu ada hati kecewa
singkat. tidak lebih sepuluh saat.
tapi hati hancur lebih dari seribu retakan.

I don’t like somebody. Is it the same as confessing I like somebody? Well that’s not the point. The point is, this person has irritated me for a long time. And only recently, I began to feel something worse than just annoyance towards this person. Anger. Yes, anger. Hate? No, I couldn’t and I can’t bring myself to hate this person. Maybe just dislike. No, it’s not mutual dislike. This person is aware of my dislike, but does not return the feeling.

Which makes me feel all the more worse.

This person is always throwing herself into sticky situations, when she already knows that she’s going to get hurt. And when she’s stuck, she’ll turn to me for help. Hurriedly I will do whatever to help her. She is proud and yearns to be independent, when all she ever wants in reality is complete dependence on me. She cares too much but never wants to admit it. That irks me like hell. She’s full of herself - oh yes she is - but when it comes to the time she really needs to feel good about herself, she has zero confidence.

She says things without thinking, easily jumps from one boat to the other and never thinks of the consequences (e.g: she might fall into the sea and drown, God I can’t understand why it has never seemed to occur to her how dangerous it is), and she’s rude, rash and full of crap. Oh, I do believe she knows it’s emotionally unhealthy to prance about so much, but she just doesn’t think. Won’t you get annoyed by somebody who’s supposed to be smart and thoughtful but acts stupid most of the time? You have to be a saint not to. Sometimes I begin to wonder if she’s as smart as she appears to be. Maybe she’s dumb. Just plain that: dumb.

And the worst part, I can’t get rid of her. No matter what I do. It’s like I’m attached to her or something. The most that I can do is grab a glass bottle and smash the mirror in front of me, because every time I look at the mirror, she’s there staring right back